cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
