the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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