I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
