This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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