I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm always down for nudity.
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