last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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