If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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