I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Randomize
