Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
