Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I need a beard to bite.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize