thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
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We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
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Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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