Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
