Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
she looked like the before picture.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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