sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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