it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
