UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
