She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Reggie can tackle my bush.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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