My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
