I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize