we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
