Sry I called you an 8
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
