Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
