Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
