i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The uberlube is also flammable
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
