1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
