I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
NoShamevember. You game?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
