Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
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my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
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Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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