I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
