im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
