So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
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