I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Hippo gnu deer
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
