My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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