just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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