Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
