I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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