hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
