Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
