I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
