I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
