That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
