This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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