tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
