I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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