Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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