Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
