I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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