My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
