i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
