Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
