come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
