my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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