I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
