saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I intend to get homeless drunk
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
