My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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