the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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