no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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