I just cut my nipple shaving
I haven't been this sober since birth.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
