Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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