Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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