have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
