As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
