I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
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Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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