elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
