I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
