The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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