He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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