dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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